His eyes are open but the light fades
by xoTearDuctsCanRustxo
Summary: He cries at night. I know because I hear his sobs. He has nightmares. I know because I hear his screams. He's breaking. I know because I can see it in his eyes. WARNING: rape. If you don't like don't read. Phan friendship. Basically Phils been raped so yeah.
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

_He's so broken he may never be the same_

_I'm searching and searching for something to keep me sane_

_Hands are on his body, he fights them away_

_I wonder if he'll ever come back, when will it be that day._

_Why would they do this? They took away his innocence_

_If I could change the past I'd do it in an instant_

_The nightmares forever haunt his every nights sleep_

_I try to hold him together and watch him as he weeps_

_There's something in his hands I know they are blades_

_His eyes are open but the light fades_


	2. Chapter 1

"Hi this is Dan's phone sorry I can't take your call right now please leave a message after the tone"

"Hi Dan, its Phil I lost you at PJ's party so I'm walking back up home. I run out of money for a Taxi so I'll see you when I get home" Phil said quietly. He hated walking home at night when people were with him, so on his own was about 10 times worse. He felt a hand on his wrist. His body tensed up in pure fear.

_Oh. My. God. This is it I am going to die._

He spun around to see Chris smiling behind him still holding on to his wrist. Phil allowed himself to slowly relax.

"Did I scare you?" Chris giggled

"Yes, you did I thought I was going to get attacked" Phil breathed

"Oh don't worry you'd have to be unlucky to get attacked round here. It's quite a clean area only about one crime happens here in like a year. Anyway where did you go? Dan was looking everywhere for you"

"I just left him a message I couldn't find him so decided to head home"

"Oh well I think he's already home he took a taxi, I better be off, stay safe Phil" Chris smiled running off in the opposite direction.

That's when it happened.

He was walking by a deserted alleyway when somebody grabbed him and pulled him into the passageway. Whoever it was pushed him up the wall hands pinned above his head. His heart was thumping in his chest. _Maybe its one of the boys playing a practical joke on me. _He thought, but that thought was soon pushed out of his head when the person started stroking up and down his chest.

"Ooh, we got a real pretty one this time boys" The man chuckles still stroking up and down the trembling boys chest. Every bit of hope and positivity left in Phil's body was replaced by fear. Phil couldn't hear what all the men surrounding him were saying the fear had deafened him as well as muting him. The next thing he knew he was being pushed to the ground. His hands and knees were burning from the rough gravel beneath him. One of the men tied his grubby fingers in Phil's hair forcing him to face upwards. Phil opened his mouth to say something, scream maybe but was quickly silenced by a punch in the nose.

"Don't bother, no one will care you worthless piece of s**t, do what we say and this will be over quickly" before Phil could reply the leader of the group thrust his fully erect penis into Phil's unprepared mouth, choking him. Phil had to fight the bile that was rising in his throat as the man thrust deeper and deeper into the back of his throat making him gag. The other men were stroking roughly and violently up and down his body. Up his sides on the insides of his thighs creating bruises wherever they touch. Phil felt the man fill his mouth with his liquids before he pulled out and put his hand violently over Phil's mouth.

"Swallow!" The leader commanded and waited for Phil to follow his order. Phil grimaced as he felt the vile stuff run down his abused throat. The man punched Phil in the face watching as he fell to the ground. The man proceeded to kick the scared man in the ribs with a resounding crack. Phil screamed in pain earning him a slap round the face.

"Be quiet… Dom" The main man shouted making another man obediently come forward. "I believe it is your turn today" He questioned earning a wide grin on the mans face.

The man pulled his trousers down to his ankles in record time as Phil waited for him to the same as the last man but he knew this was different as a man started to undo Phil's buttons as well earning him to squirm as it registered what was about to happen. The man through Phil's jeans and boxers over towards other five men. He placed Phil's legs over his own shoulders and without preparation thrust into him. Phil was a virgin in that area and felt as though he was being torn apart from the inside. He let out a long loud scream of pain and knew from then on he would never be the same again. _I'm disgusting, like he said I'm worthless there is no point me going home tonight Dan won't trust someone as filthy as me being in the house with him. _The man kept punching him in the face as he continued with the assault. Phil couldn't deal with hearing the mans moans of enjoyment he was getting from his own pain, the comments of how tight he was. He couldn't deal with the stinging, the burning and the relentless pain. He couldn't deal with the pressure the man was putting on his hips making them feel as though they would snap. Soon the man was finished but the other five were yet to have their turn. When all six had finished he was left alone, crying and in pain.

_Please save me._


	3. Chapter 2

Dan woke up to the light flooding through his bedroom window. _I wonder what happened with Phil last night. Wonder what time he got in. _

Dan left the room and quietly pushed Phil's bedroom door open and snuck around the corner looking at his bed with a confused look on his face. Phil's bed hadn't been slept in. _Maybe Phil stopped out last night _Dan thought. He went into the kitchen and made himself some cereal not giving Phil's disappearance a second thought that was until he checked his phone.

_One new message from Phil_

"Hi Dan, its Phil I lost you at PJ's party so I'm walking back up home. I run out of money for a Taxi so I'll see you when I get home" Dan heard Phil's shaky, breathy tone down the phone as he allowed the panic to set in. Phil had intended to come home last night so where was he now?

Did he go out this morning? Dan thought. No he usually leaves a note if he goes out. Maybe he went to someone else's house after he sent that message. No he wouldn't do that. _Please be okay Phil. _That's when Dan's phone rang. He looked at the caller ID to see an unknown number.

"Hello?" Dan questioned nervously

"Hello is this Daniel Howell?" the person on the end of the phone said in an overly professional tone.

"Yes, who is this?" Dan asked

"My names PC Moore from London police, I have a Mr. Philip Lester here I was wondering what your relationship is with him"

"I'm his roommate and his best friend, is everything okay? He's not in trouble is he?" Dan said not knowing what to think or how he was feeling.

"No, not at all could you come down to the police station as soon as possible please"

"Yes, yes I'll be right there" Dan said hurriedly, grabbing his coat and keys and rushing out the door and within two minutes he was on his way nervous and not knowing what to expect when he arrived.


	4. Chapter 3

Dan hurriedly ran through the door once he reached through the door and up to the front desk. Gasping for air as he'd just ran from about 4 streets away to the police station.

"Hello I'm Daniel Howell; I got a phone call about Philip Lester"

"Ah, yes Daniel I'm PC Moore who you spoke to on the phone, come right this way please" PC Moore said leading him into a small side room.

"Right I need to discuss some things with you. We contacted you first as we've looked through Philips phone and heard the message he sent you and thought you'd be the best person to contact. Philip was found a 6:15 this morning by a young lady walking her dog. He was on the floor down an alleyway bleeding and crying hysterically and wouldn't let the young girl touch him. She contacted us and we went and collected him with much difficulty. However, he needs medical attention but won't let the paramedics anywhere near him. He is also refusing to talk so we have no idea what happened to him. But from what we can see it looks like he has been attacked." PC Moore stopped to allow Dan to process the information. "We were hoping maybe you'd be able to make him see sense" Dan just nodded, that's the only thing he was able to do at the moment and allowed PC Moore to lead him down to a small room a few doors away from the one they were currently and he prepared himself before pushing the door open slowly.

The sight before him absolutely broke his heart. Phil's head snapped up as he heard someone enter. His eyes were red and swollen, all the life and qualities that made Phil who he was, was drained from his eyes and replaced by a terrifying fear that Dan had never seen in a person before. Dan never knew it was humanly possible to be that frightened. He was breathing heavily looking paler than usual. He had a black eye and a mark across his cheek along with a split lip. He was hugging his knees wincing as he backed into the corner. His black hair was strewn across his face. Dan's heart shattered into a million pieces when he saw the silent tears run down his face. That's when it hit him. _He's even scared of me._


	5. Chapter 4

"Phil?" Dan asked taking a cautious step forward watching in horror as Phil shuffled backwards.

"Phil, its me, its Dan" he tried again realizing Phil hadn't lifted his head up since he first walked in. "Please Phil, say something" Dan said trying to prevent himself from crying.

Phil looked up as though he was going to say something before another sob wracked through his small frame.

"Come on Phil it's me" Dan said desperately stepping forward again. Though his heart broke once again as he seen Phil look in dismay as he couldn't back away any further.

"Phil, you know I won't hurt you, neither will the paramedics, it's their job to help you please let them help you" Phil looked at Dan sceptically before heading back into deep thought. _Dan won't hurt me I've known him for years and he's never hurt me before. But he'll hate me because of what happened. Although I guess he won't if he never finds out. The other men will hurt me though; if I stay with Dan then I won't get hurt._

Dan could see Phil had zoned out deep within his own mind and managed to get close to him and kneel down next to where he sat without Phil even noticing. Dan reached out and placed a hand on Phil's shoulder causing him to flinch violently. Phil realized he had to be civil with Dan so that Dan could help protect him. With a bit of hesitation Phil grabbed on to Dan's arm and sobbed into his shoulder. Dan was taken aback but after a second his mind caught up and he began whispering soothing words into Phil's ear along with rubbing his back and stroking his hair in an attempt to calm him down.

"Are you going to let the paramedics help you? They can make you better" Dan whispered. Phil looked up, his once happy blue eyes dull and wide with fear. He shook his head violently tears dripping down his pale cheeks eyes begging.

"Please Phil, please come on, I'll stay with you and then we can get you home okay, how does that sound?" Phil thought for a bit. _I guess the quicker it gets done the quicker I can go. _Phil nodded unsurely and watched in fear as Dan invited the paramedics in. Dan stood by the door as the paramedics approached Phil.

"No Dan, please, why have you done this? I thought you wouldn't let them hurt me. Please Dan please" Phil screamed his voice full of pure fear and sounding more like a scared twelve year old than the twenty seven year old he was. It was the first time Dan had heard him speak and the amount of terror in his words made Dan feel as though his heart was being stomped into the mud as his stomach did somersaults as he watched on from a distance. The doctors had said not to come close as they were going to have to give Phil a strong sedative to make finding out the extent of his injuries easier. But to Phil it looked as though Dan had brought the paramedics in to hurt him while Dan watched on from a distance.

As Dan looked into Phil's fear filled face as a final tear fell down his face and he drifted into unconsciousness he knew the doctors may have just lost him every last bit of trust Phil had for him.


	6. Chapter 5

"I'm looking for Phil Lester, Where is he? Is he okay? Please tell me where is he?" Dan screamed at the receptionist at the front desk in the local hospital where Phil had been taken following his stay at the police station.

"Sir! Calm down the doctor will be out to speak to you in a minute if you are patient" Dan sighed knowing that making a scene would not help at this moment in time. All that was important was that he was there when Phil needed him most. He slowly walked over to the uncomfortable, blue plastic chairs and waited. After about half an hour of waiting a doctor came out with a solemn look on his face and called Phil's name hoping to catch the attention of any family that may be waiting. It worked because as soon as the name fell from the mans mouth Dan rushed over.

"Hi, I'm his roommate and his best friend. Is he okay? Can I see him?"

"Philip has suffered quite and attack. It looks as though he has been beaten he has three broken ribs, torn ligaments in his hip presumably from a fall and a lot of bruising. He should make a full _physical _recovery though we are worried about his mental stability. See Philip hasn't spoken since he has come round from sedation and he will not let anyone near him. We are concerned he may suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. That aside we think he will recover better at home with his familiar surrounding. Even though he will still be scared of you it is better than being around a lot of strangers. So follow me and you can collect him" The doctor slowly and carefully spoke. Stopping at points to allow Dan to register what had been said.

He followed the doctor through the bright, white corridors and through a door that lead him to a frightened looking Phil on crutches. Dan slowly approached Phil but he backed away, no light in his eyes just fear, just like before. Deep down Dan had filled himself with false hope that Phil would be back to normal after waking up but that was all forgotten after he had to walk at least three foot in front of Phil so that Phil didn't think Dan was going to turn and attack him. Just like the savage animals that had done this to him.

But that wasn't the only reason for Phil. Dan didn't need to be marred with the flaws of a disgusting whore such as him. He deserved so much better. Anyway Dan wouldn't hurt him. Then again he thought that when Dan set the paramedics on him. Who knows what danger Phil could've been in?

_No trust no one then no one will hurt me _Phil thought _And no one would ever find out. The biggest chance of anyone finding out was the doctor and he doesn't know so people will never no what kind of a slut I really am._


	7. Chapter 6

The journey home was long and awkward for Dan. I mean you imagine trying to get someone who is scared of everyone including his best friend into a taxi with a stranger. Plus Phil wouldn't sit near to Dan as he had lost all faith and trust in him since the paramedic incident. So he had his back against the door looking at his hands which were in his lap. Every so often Dan would look over at him and sigh wishing there was a way he could help the poor lost boy. A thing he had noticed about Phil since what happened was he would lose himself in his own mind. You could tell because when he was fully alert he was on the look out for anything that could possibly cause him any harm but when he was zoned out it was then you could get near him. You could sit right next to him and he wouldn't flinch or jump away he would just sit eyes focused on nothing in particular. But you couldn't touch him under any circumstances because that was like pushing him back into reality and he suddenly become vigilant and frightened again.

As soon as they got into their apartment Phil ran to his bedroom and locked the door. Dan slowly walked into the living room and looked around. It was only 1:00 in the afternoon and Dan remembered how happy he had been this morning. It was only this morning that he had rolled out of bed with a slight pounding above his eyebrow to remind him of how much he had drank the night before. It was only this morning that he looked into Phil's room and thinking that the vacancy may mean Phil had got lucky. It was only this morning that he was munching away happily on his cereal before he got that phone call. The phone call that triggered a long journey for Dan and Phil. Little did they know that journey would test their friendship and dedication to each other. A journey that started because some tw*ts thought it would be okay to beat up his best friend (and so much more he didn't even realize). It was then that Dan allowed the first tears to fall to mourn his best friend, because even though Phil was there physically he was not the same Phil that went to the party with Dan the night before and he may never be that Phil again.

That Phil could be gone forever.

**This is just a short chapter to tide you over and to explain a bit of them getting home etc. I'd like to thank you all for your reviews. Especially thanks to wonderfulfun for your great feedback you should read her fics they're amazing. **

**Also thanks to:**

**xRainbowNinjax**

**iHeartPotatoes **

**and a guest that didn't leave a name :D **

**Thanks guys **** xxxx**


	8. Chapter 7

Phil lay on his bed in the foetal position until he heard Dan go to bed. It had been so horrible shutting Dan out when he was knocking on the door begging Phil to speak to him and begging him to eat something. But how could Phil trust Dan after what he did at the police station? Plus Phil didn't deserve rewards and nice things in his mind he was just a disgusting whore.

When Phil heard Dan's bedroom door close he slowly crept out of his bedroom and into the bathroom. He slowly worked his trousers down and lifted his shirt over his head before staring at his reflection. His eyes were puffy and red and his cheeks were stained with tears. Disgusting, black and blue bruises littered his ashen skin. He had grazes and bruises across his ribs, hips and thighs some bruises were in the shape of the giant hands of the men that had done this to him.

He carefully lowered his boxer shorts and let them fall to the floor before stepping out of them. He noticed they were full of blood and burst into floods of silent tears. His genitals felt as if they were on fire and Phil realized he could have some damage due to the excessive amount of blood but he didn't want to ask for help or else people would know what had happened. He stepped into the shower and put on the hot water. It began to sting his skin so it almost felt as though he was being electrocuted. His skin began to slowly turn crimson but he did not attempt to get out of the shower. He needed this in order to be rid of his attackers. Deep down Phil knew that the attackers would never leave him. He would forever be haunted by the memory of them. But the irrational side of his brain was much more powerful. He started to claw at his skin as though he wanted to rid himself of the first fifteen layers as he thought that the layers below would be untainted. His stubby fingernails scratching away at his red raw exterior.

He then began violently scrubbing at his skin until small droplets of blood were dripping of his already violated limbs. He leant his back against the wall of the shower and slowly slid to the floor. He placed his head in his hands and gently rocked backwards and forwards, sobs and whimpers wracking his frame.

Meanwhile Dan was still awake in bed thoughts of men punching and kicking Phil flashing through his mind.

Phil was loving and caring. Although he was slightly shy, once you got to know his he was loud and hilarious. He was so innocent and never cussed yet you always caught him laughing at innuendos before anyone else got it. He was childish and weird but he had a great imagination and creative mind. Although he may not be seen as the sharpest tool in the box he was still extremely intelligent. When he smiled his tongue sometimes poked out the side of his mouth unless he covered his mouth before he laughed. He was always so happy and such a good friend his beautiful turquoise eyes always said 'I'm here for you' and he could make you feel better just with a look. It upset Dan that, that was all past tense now.

Phil was small and timid. He looked damaged and older for his years yet younger at the same time. His eyes said nothing but 'Help me' and fear gripped his whole being. He had lost all his trust and faith in people and now Dan could only assume he was rendered mute. He wouldn't eat, Dan doubted he slept. No one deserves this especially someone like Phil. How can someone do this? How can someone destroy a persons whole being and rid them of everything they were previously?


End file.
